Have I got a story for you:
Alex, (Peanut), and I began our weekend at my Aunt and Uncle's house for a lovely Shabbat dinner. There was so much food. Alex rolled me home. I needed serious help getting up the stairs when we got home. I was expanding in places that I didn't know I could expand. It was an amazing dinner and I thank my Aunt and Uncle and all my cousins for making it such a good time. Alex and I really enjoyed ourselves and we are still munching down on leftovers. Apparently 'Peanut' loves Bubba's gefilte fish as an in-utero snack. Good thing I have so much of it.
After eating so much on Friday, I came to the realization that I am going to need bigger pants. The Lululemon pants I have been currently wearing are all fine. So fine in fact that I am pleased to say that I plan on wearing them up until the big day and afterwards.
I've been neglecting the idea of buying maternity pants because I'm cheap. We've already covered that aspect in previous posts. You all know I'm cheap...hello, I dug my stroller out of the trash!
Anyway, I really wanted to wear my yoga jeans. They are almost as nice as my Lulu pants but they come with the dreaded button. Booo!
If there was no button, I could wear them zipped with no problems. Truth be told, I can still button them up but I can't sit down, eat, squat, or breathe while wearing them. This problem needed to be dealt with as soon as possible.
I found out that BBbuggy (a trendy baby 'shoppe' in Yorkville) was going to be having a sale on everything in honour of their relocation to a more trendy location on Yorkville St. (Note: For all of you who don't know Toronto, you should know that Yorkville is probably the most expensive place to breathe in and out in all of Toronto. It's where the movie stars hang out when they come to T.O. so the shops are all really pricey and everyone is beautiful).
I put on my jeans and did them up the best I could. I wore a long shirt and hoped that no one would notice that I was actually riding the subway with my pants undone. I'm sure I wasn't the only person. The TTC has been known to transport some of the most perverse voyeurs around. Just to set the record straight, I'm not one of them. I held onto those pants with both hands and waddled through Bay Station, up Hazelton Avenue and over to Davenport. When I arrived at the store, it was packed with other preggos and new moms; all with their metrosexual partners. I don't know why the men in Yorkville come across as metrosexual to me? They seem very well put together and have much better groomed eyebrows than I do. (I'm glad if mine don't grow together or suffer my lousy waxing track-record; re: getting waxed off completely. It took a while for ol' lefty to grow back). But I digress.
Just because you are male and look much prettier than me does not mean you are metrosexual. If you are male, well groomed, and LOVING (I mean LOVING) being stuffed into a tiny store picking out onesises that are "just darling", then you may be metrosexual. I heard the term "just darling" too many times to take the whole experience seriously. With tears in my eyes from containing my laughing fit, I grabbed a Bella Band.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Bella Band welcome to the world of non-invasive preggo girdles. Basically, the Bella Band is a nylon tube that you wear over or under your pants for mild support of your ever-expanding tummy or to hold your jeans up. The band will cover the fly of your pants so you can wear your old jeans undone without the worry of them falling down or having your 'bits' on display.
You can wear the Bella Band discreetly or as an extension of your outfit. Mine is brown and very plain. It looks nice with my jeans.
So, I grabbed my Bella Band and waddled over to the cash. The desk was COVERED in a still shopping mom-to-be's supplies for her entire nursery. The sale was good but not THAT good.
I waved my Bella Band over the pile of stuff and the tiny woman behind the cash helped me pay. In order to access the VISA pin pad the counter had to be cleared. The woman at the cash moved the pile of swag onto a neighbouring Bugaboo stroller and the mom-to-be who had claimed that stuff nearly had a fit.
After her partner calmed her down, she decided to take the stroller too. This whole scene was too bizarre. I didn't even ask for a bag for my purchase. I ran into the bathroom, changed into the Bella Band, and ran out of the store screaming. Forgive me, I pushed my way out of the store with only too much effort and breathed a sigh of relief when I finally escaped the madness.
I waddled around Yorkville for another hour, sporting my new Bella Band and, for the first time in a few months, confidence. I felt so much better.
Because Yorkville is not a place I venture to often (for obvious reasons like #1: I'm not loaded and #2: I'm not 'Yorkville' beautiful-->just the regular kind), I enjoyed the rare treat of shopping at Whole Foods. Yum!
In the U.S., Whole Foods is Gluten Free Heaven. Here in Canada, its okay but way overpriced and good if you are trying to find something specific (like 40 types of organic, grain fed, human massaged cow cheese). I wasn't looking for cheese (especially if the cow needed a stress relieving massage). I like the cheap stuff at Loblaws. I wandered the aisles and got thirsty. As I approached a case of very expensive drinks I found myself standing next to Peter Mansbridge. WOoooo! A celebrity sighting in Yorkville! Go me!
(Peter Mansbridge- for all the non-Canadians reading this- is the lead anchor of the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. He hosts "The National" which I'm sure EVERY Canadian has seen. He is a middle aged bald guy who kind of looks like a glue stick with a very engaging voice. My personal favourite 'Mansbridge Moment' would be when he was commentating on the royal wedding back in April. My sister and I are 100% sure he was loaded. He really is a classy guy but you know that behind that 'Order of Canada' pin he wears, he's probably lots of fun at a party. Done. I'm going to personally invite him and his lovely wife to my next shin-dig).
So, as mentioned above, the Bella Band helped me gain come confidence. I felt good. I was feeling so good, I was going to say 'Hi' to "The Mansbridge" but just as I grabbed my cherry soda, he turned and walked away. It wasn't until I went to the bathroom after consuming my soda that I realized that, yep, my pants were undone and my Bella Band was a little askew. More than that, to Yorkville standards, I looked downright homeless. I fixed myself right up and hopped the subway home.
The wardrobe malfunction was not so terrible that it would have scared away 'The Mansbridge' but you could obviously see that I was walking around with my pants undone. I'm sure 'The Mansbridge' has seen way stranger stuff working for the CBC and living in Toronto. He's interviewed our Prime Minister on many occasions. I'm sure Prime Minister Harper has had a few interviews with 'The Mansbridge' with his pants undone, beer in one hand, and a plate of poutine in the other. Everyone's a shlub. I just happen to be one in Yorkville.
Goodbye confidence!
That being said, I tried the Bella Band again today and I figured out how to wear it properly, without any zipper mishaps or exposed undies. I felt much better and I'm really happy to be wearing my old jeans.
Confidence regained? Yes. I can do this. :)
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