As many of you know, I exercise for a living. I am always sweating (even without pregnancy hormones).
During the past twenty-six years I spent not being pregnant, I always bought good clothing to accommodate my lifestyle. Luckily, it all still fits. Spandex is a wonderful thing and since the twenty first century, it's not unheard of for a pregnant woman to show off her baby bump and curves through the miracles of a comfortable stretchy polyester blend. I can't imagine wearing dresses that resemble the curtains and hang off me like I'm a human blimp. This isn't to say that I can't reserve some modesty about my ever-increasing stature however, it just means that I have more flexibility in my day to day outfits than pregnant women did twenty six years ago.
Although the Spandex works wonders for comfort and style, it can't protect me forever; nor can it be worn to all occasions. For example, parties, dinners, date night (not at the South Street Burger Company) and synagogue all require me to bust out of my Spandex and don a presentable outfit. I have a few dresses that I can pass off in the summer months as comfortable maternity-style wear for these occasions. Come fall, I may need to expand a little; but this is not the outfit urgency I am talking about today.
I need a decent swimsuit.
After raving about the wonders of Spandex on my pregnant body, one would only believe that finding an appropriate swimsuit should be a breeze. Not so.
In my younger days, I was truly an athlete. I swam competitively. I have worn some of the most high-tech Spandex inventions known to humankind. I am not afraid of looking naked under my suit, nor am I concerned with the dreaded wedgies my previous swimwear would inevitably cause. I don't even care if my back fat pokes out because my suit is too tight! I care about simplicity and function.
As a swimmer, aside from my flamboyant training suits, I always competed in black. In fact, my current swimwear is mostly black. Almost all my workout gear is black (except some yellow tops I reserve for Body Attack occasions). I love wearing black.
For a swimmer, it was a source of pride to wear black. No distractions from my technique or leaving the competition in my dust. It was just me and my black suit. It was always simple and it was always flattering (back fat included).
This past week, I was scheduled to meet one of my clients at her condo pool for a private aquafit session. I always go in the pool with her. It has been so hot in Toronto and I love the cooling feel and the chlorinated skin I get from a successful swim. She loves it too.
As I was about to leave my house for her appointment, I realized that I had to grab some swimwear or else I would be left cooking on the side of the pool (not a good idea for Preggos!).
I dug through my old Speedos. They are technically training suits, designed for longevity. They are made from an itchy polyester and are not as stretchy as the normal Spandex suits most people wear. I pulled it on to see if it fit. I got it over my hips and just up to my belly when I realized that I would have to permanently crouch in a hunched over position in order to get my pregnant breasts into the suit. Even then, there would be no guarantees that I wouldn't pop out or be able to take the suit off. I wrestled to get the suit off and dismissed it.
I quickly grabbed a bikini top (which didn't quite fit), the matching bottoms (that left most of my bum hanging out) and some tried and tested dry land workout wear. I layered the workout gear overtop the bikini and managed to get away with a relatively uncomfortable swimsuit. The bottoms were great (lined running shorts) but the top was an issue (yellow Body Attack see-through singlet). Needless to say, I was relieved that my client and I were the only ones in the pool that day; otherwise any other patrons would have had a free show.
Although the suit did what it needed to do for the day, I have to buy new swimwear. I can't go on for the rest of the summer in my makeshift swimwear. First of all, I look ridiculous. Secondly, it doesn't follow my rules of simplicity and function. I can't get comfortable with my boobs and hanging out all over the place. I know everyone will eventually get a free show when I start nursing but I reserve that privilege until I have a hungry infant in my arms.
So I did what any desperate person would do, I resorted to the internet to solve my problem. It didn't.
All the maternity stores I found that carry swimwear are flouncy with ugly patterns. The worst was what I would call the "tent-kini". Whoever designed this should be shot. It is a regular tankini except the top extends out to make the expectant mother look like she could shelter a family of four in a rainstorm. The worst part about this "tent-kini" was the fabric. It was teal green with BIG ugly floral prints stretched around the belly. BLACK SPANDEX PEOPLE!
Even the black Spandex swimsuits were unflattering.
I understand that not everyone shares my perspective on boring practical swimwear. I admit that I own some funky bikinis for the beach and they aren't black. They are purple and orange and green. The one I wore most was black though. Even then, the standard cut of ALL my funky (Old Navy) bikinis are a modest bottom with a halter top. I can no longer comfortably wear a halter top. I can't stand the pulling on my neck. Apparently that's the trend for almost all the suits I saw today. Is there a rule out there that says that pregnant women must wear everything as a halter? Tell me, how am I supposed to flip turn with my breasts being held in by a tiny knot and the grace of God?
If Speedo Canada is reading this post (please please be), can you send me a decent maternity swimsuit made from the regular Spandex in a size 34? I have laps to swim, aquabellies to attend and most importantly, my dignity to uphold.
If anyone else knows of a good place to find a comfortable, modest maternity swimsuit please don't hold out on me.
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